My rules on how to be a Villain

Disclaimer: this is not for actual villainy or for seeking harm on anyone else, it is simply for me because I tend to hold back and not take up the space that is even just normal for a person to take up living in a world of other people. So for me, stepping out of my comfort zone often causes me to feel like a villain. I've decided to embrace this and make it a bit more interesting for me to become a little freer as my genuine self.

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how do I not fall apart.... totally not a depressing post... :/

Nothing I do seems to matter right now. I'm trying my best to just not fall apart. I went home early from work because I started getting panicky and emotional. Not in a safe state to drive, and I had very little motivation to continue. even right now it's happening... I'm getting droopy and my arms muscles want to stop engaging. My breath is becoming more ragged and my eyes are unfocusing. I've tried everything. Well, everything I can think of. I even reached out to a therapist. but that was terrifying, and the responsibility that comes with that made me want to run away and shut down even more. 

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I have my own weapon!

I've got my own way of doing things, of overcoming challenges. Even if I don't feel like it's the coolest or the best or even the most powerful, it's mine. At the risk of sounding cheesy... which sure, I am definitely cheesy sometimes but being genuine to what's inside of me is all I need. 

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Endless Mess

Once upon a time (like a couple weeks ago) I deep cleaned my room until there were only a couple of piles of stuff on the floor, but those piles… sigh… I can’t really afford to have any piles on the floor as it blocks other areas that I need to access in order to keep my room clean, like the closet, or my dresser, or my computer desk, or my safe space under my bed. My room is about as large as I need it for every space to be essential, but if stuff starts to pile up on the ground, I can still move around it, so it isn’t like the end of the world, but it does still provide visual noise and a smaller physical space and I was so close! I wonder if I do finally get to that point where everything is in its place (even have a miscellaneous area for things I don’t know what to do with right away), I wonder if that would encourage better consistency. I know when I can access the closet without tripping over anything that I am more likely to hang my clothes up, and then they don’t get piled up and wrinkly…

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Gah.... again

I'm feeling very self conscious about what I have put out on social media so far. It's so.... cringe. I'm so cringe 😫 

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Creative Struggle

The struggle right now for me is the pain of creation versus the joy of the created. But there’s also the joy of the journey that can help… but putting yourself out there also for other people to see is terrifying. And yeah, I’ve made lots of blog posts about this, but hardly anyone actually follows my content yet, so having all this rough stuff as my beginning stuff, will help me polish up the future work. 

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Building up my Social Media Presence... crazy...

Well,I started a Patreon… let’s see how it goes. I’ve got things lined up to upload - well, some things... I’m going to post more. I’ve decided to do mostly free tier stuff first, but there is a paid tier for behind the scenes on books and stories that I’m writing because I don’t want to give too much away before I’m finished with it 😛

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