Alright, well...
First off, I don't like the phrase "adulting" in general, but I felt like it was relevant here. As you know, I'm hoping to get a job and start working there in about a month's time, but along with that, I'm also looking for an apartment, and potential insurance options as the job I've applied to and am hoping to get does not provide any of those benefits.
It hurts my brain.
I want to be as responsible an adult as I can, but sometimes I'm not even sure the steps I'm supposed to take. I feel overwhelmed with it all and I wish it was already all put together and I just had to slip into this beautiful, structured life. Unfortunately, that's not how it works for anyone. I do realize I have a lot of advantages that not a lot of people have. I just don't know how to help anyone let alone myself in this moment except just by taking it one step at a time. I'm looking too far into the future, expecting too many things to fall into place, and it's going to take me taking each step in order to make what I want to happen a reality.
So, going back to the phrase "adulting" - is it a phrase, a word, a verb... whatever it is, to me it suggests that I am still a child pretending to be an adult, but I'm not actually an adult and therefore have no idea what I'm doing and someone else should come in and do these things for me. Maybe that's exactly what it's supposed to mean, but it makes me feel dependent and helpless where I want to feel empowered and responsible, so I have started replacing "adulting" with "becoming the most responsible ME I can be." It's not as quick and catchy, but I feel like it encapsulates what I want growing up to mean for me.
So, that's what I'm trying to do. Become the most responsible "ME" I can be.
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