I fell off the wagon about six months ago posting blog posts. I was putting most of my focus into my Patreon and YouTube channel as well as doing more creative endeavors. Drawing, coloring, writing, the whole shebang. None of it is fully refined yet, but I've made lots of progress :D

I went through a lot today energy-wise. This morning, I started to feel restless. In my mind I knew that if my room was clearer (things put away) I wouldn't feel as on edge, but I also knew that it was the last thing I wanted to do and, well, there were a few other things I wanted to take care of first. Like eating breakfast. So, I ate. Then I tried to be creative again, but the wheels were still blocked. So then I changed up my scenery. I went and played the piano for a bit. But even that was a struggle. Trying to follow the notes on the page and be patient enough to work my way through a piece, it was too much, but I did like hearing the piano make sound, so I essentially just smashed the keys. Whatever I felt like. All the chaotic dissonant sounds that would resolve... however, the dissonant sounds almost sounded more soothing to my brain, so I would return. Sliding my finger up and down the keyboard, I did glissandos and then I would do eight part harmonies with wherever my hands hit. My favorite sound was ascending and descending thirds in the right hand all on the white keys and in the left hand an octave lower just one note lower than the note my right thumb was playing. The dissonance was so satisfying. After that, the energies were still bouncing around inside me, and I quickly decided to take a walk. It helped that the temperature was still fairly low, so I hopped out and grabbed my keys and my bike (because I didn't want to be too far out and then not have the energy to get back) and I took my bike for a walk :D

I have learned a lot about sharing things that I have created and the thing sticks out to me the most right now is that it's hard to share things that haven't been finished at least once. If I have no pictures that I had drawn to completion, I couldn't share as easily my half finish sketches. They would have no power or promise of becoming complete, and some of my sketches are not readable on their own. It's fun to see the process, but if the process never completes, then I find it difficult to allow others to view it.I love that I learned that. And I will continue to create. Not everything needs to be put into the public eye, just some things that I want to share. Granted, right now, I do feel like I'm sharing a lot of my stuff on Patreon, but even so, I still have to get to a good complete thought before I can share.

The trust in myself wavers.

Disclaimer: this is not for actual villainy or for seeking harm on anyone else, it is simply for me because I tend to hold back and not take up the space that is even just normal for a person to take up living in a world of other people. So for me, stepping out of my comfort zone often causes me to feel like a villain. I've decided to embrace this and make it a bit more interesting for me to become a little freer as my genuine self.

Katie's Creative Corner | Patreon